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Friday, February 24, 2012

Ten Ways to Know You’re Going to Die (Behind the Masque style)

1.      If there is hissing coming from your bathroom, it’s probably not the pipes. You could still go in, but when the shower curtains move and you hear a rattle, you’re about to receive a shot of venom from a very nasty snake that is upset you interrupted his shower.

2.      When you decide to go bowling late at night and the patrons clear out to be replaced by a gang of thugs wielding knives, you’re about to become a chopping board.

3.      You have settled down for a long night home alone and are sipping hot cocoa on the sofa while watching a John Wayne movie. Glass shatters in the other room. It’s probably not the neighbors stopping by for a nice chat, but you can strike up a conversation with the serial killer crawling through the broken window.

4.      The cute girl you met at the party is anything but adorable. Here’s a tip: Don’t let someone you just met ever tie you up willingly.

5.      If the juice you just poured starts to bubble suddenly, it’s probably not what you’re used to drinking. Pour it down the drain and see if it burns through the sink. Aren’t you glad you didn’t pour it down your pipes now?

6.      Parties can be loads of fun when you can take a tour of your own and find the dark secrets hidden in the basement, but if you witness a murder down there, you probably won’t make it back up in one piece.

7.      Knives are a great utensil when eating your dinner; however, if you find yourself at the end of one and it’s nicking your neck, chances are the guy holding it isn’t asking you for a date.

8.      If you hear a noise outside, let it go. Never go investigate, especially alone and at night. Whatever it was will just either go away or burst down your door and open fire with an AK-47. If it’s your time, then it’s your time!

9.      When your dog goes berserk, bares her teeth, and starts growling for no apparent reason, chances are very good it’s not the wind knocking at your door. Run upstairs, call the police, and then hide until they arrive. In some cities, you know they will never get there in time since response times vary. Hopefully, you checked out your city before you moved there; if not, good luck.

10.  Should you decide to be brave and wander into a known killer’s estate for a confrontation and a sumo wrestler blocks your escape route, you know you’re going down. Maybe you should have had that psyche evaluation before jumping right into the villain’s nest. It could have saved you…or have you always had that death wish?

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