If you're ready for a zombie apocalypse, then you're ready for any emergency. emergency.cdc.gov
Subscribe to darkfictionmuse, my mailing list!
Interested in posting your reviews or guest articles at this site? Then fill out the form HERE.

Monday, March 26, 2012

The Wind Glides, poetry by Jason Greiner

The Wind Glides
by Jason Greiner

The wind glides between the foliage
In this smoky, southern sanctuary
Away from the staleness
Of the rising metropolis

Illumination flows down
From a supernal scene
Of captivating ice blue

So tranquil, so pure
Still untouched
By an evolving universe

Jason Greiner is an American poet from Pittsburgh, PA. He is the author of two poetry books, "Wishing Wells: The Poetry of Love, Emotion and the World We Alive In" (2006) and "Shadows and Shade: A Collection of Poetry and Images" (2009) from which this work is taken.

"Shadows and Shade" link - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shadows-and-shade-jason-greiner/1017220870?ean=9781440152153&itm=1&usri=jason+greiner

Friday, February 24, 2012

Ten Ways to Know You’re Going to Die (Behind the Masque style)

1.      If there is hissing coming from your bathroom, it’s probably not the pipes. You could still go in, but when the shower curtains move and you hear a rattle, you’re about to receive a shot of venom from a very nasty snake that is upset you interrupted his shower.

2.      When you decide to go bowling late at night and the patrons clear out to be replaced by a gang of thugs wielding knives, you’re about to become a chopping board.

3.      You have settled down for a long night home alone and are sipping hot cocoa on the sofa while watching a John Wayne movie. Glass shatters in the other room. It’s probably not the neighbors stopping by for a nice chat, but you can strike up a conversation with the serial killer crawling through the broken window.

4.      The cute girl you met at the party is anything but adorable. Here’s a tip: Don’t let someone you just met ever tie you up willingly.

5.      If the juice you just poured starts to bubble suddenly, it’s probably not what you’re used to drinking. Pour it down the drain and see if it burns through the sink. Aren’t you glad you didn’t pour it down your pipes now?

6.      Parties can be loads of fun when you can take a tour of your own and find the dark secrets hidden in the basement, but if you witness a murder down there, you probably won’t make it back up in one piece.

7.      Knives are a great utensil when eating your dinner; however, if you find yourself at the end of one and it’s nicking your neck, chances are the guy holding it isn’t asking you for a date.

8.      If you hear a noise outside, let it go. Never go investigate, especially alone and at night. Whatever it was will just either go away or burst down your door and open fire with an AK-47. If it’s your time, then it’s your time!

9.      When your dog goes berserk, bares her teeth, and starts growling for no apparent reason, chances are very good it’s not the wind knocking at your door. Run upstairs, call the police, and then hide until they arrive. In some cities, you know they will never get there in time since response times vary. Hopefully, you checked out your city before you moved there; if not, good luck.

10.  Should you decide to be brave and wander into a known killer’s estate for a confrontation and a sumo wrestler blocks your escape route, you know you’re going down. Maybe you should have had that psyche evaluation before jumping right into the villain’s nest. It could have saved you…or have you always had that death wish?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

12 Simple Ways to Sell More Books

12 Simple Ways to Sell More Books

Tips to Protect Yourself From Being Grabbed by a Serial Killer

Since my thriller books all deal with ordinary people trying to survive the onslaught of a serial killer, I thought I would offer up my advice on how not to become the guest of said serial killer.

1.      Be aware of your surroundings. Look around you. Don’t get distracted. Notice the people that are closest to you and/or the guy eyeing you from the other side of the parking lot. Hang up that cell phone. If it’s important, you can wait until you are safe inside your house before returning the call.

2.      Don’t carry yourself like a victim. Look people in the eye. It doesn’t matter what color shoes they are wearing or who dropped that piece of gum on the sidewalk. Keep your eyes up. Stare people down, no matter how creepy they may look.

3.      Never show fear. Laugh in the face of disaster. Spit in the eye of the person holding the knife at your throat. Stomp on their feet; scratch their hands. Don’t just sit there and freeze up. Do something…NOW!

4.      Drive to safety. Notice what the other cars are doing. If the black car behind you made the same five turns as you, don’t lead him to your house. Keep driving around in circles. Drive to the nearest police station and sit outside it for awhile. Flirt with the cops if you have to and then wave to the black car as he passes by.

5.      Don’t open that door to strangers. If a cop, service technician, or hot model suddenly shows up at your door, ask to see some ID – they can hold it up to the peep hole, slide it under the door, or flatten it against the window. Call someone to verify who they are, or you just may want to call up your ten girlfriends to come over and ogle the stranger. Either way, you did the right thing.

6.      If you get a sudden text or email saying someone you know has been in a car accident, don’t fall for it right away. Grab the nearest phone and call him or her. If you can’t get through, call someone you trust that can verify the horrible truth. Then run, don’t walk, to the hospital!

7.      Have emergency contacts on speed dial – your mom, the police, 911, the FBI. If someone suspicious approaches you, hit the speed dial and then stick the phone in your pocket. You never know when it might be the real thing. If this is just a test, ignore the above instructions and then spend the next five minutes apologizing to the operator how you accidentally butt dialed the number.

8.      THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP OF ALL! If you witness a murder, call the cops right away. Do not hesitate, do not pass go, and do not collect $200. It probably won’t matter, though, because by the time they arrive, you just might have become the next victim, but at least you tried. Good luck!